David Sedaris Calls It a Day

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More by David Sedaris:

• “Like all of my friends she’s a lousy judge of character.”

• “We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well-made cocktail.”

• “I was a smart-ass, born and raised. This had been my curse and would continue to be so.”

Sedaris fans: Watch his "What's funny about America" presentation above at the Melbourne Writers' Conference. The last third is the funniest (with swearing). 

• A joke Sedaris heard on his book tour:

A man has just gotten into bed when he hears a knock at the door.
He gets up, answers the door and looks down to see a snail, who says,
"Excuse me, sir, can I interest you in some magazine subscriptions?"
In disbelief and anger the man kicks the snail out into his yard and goes back to sleep.
Two years later there’s another knock at the door.
The man answers and there’s the snail again, who looks up and says,
“What was THAT about?”

Humorist, author David Sedaris (b. 12.26.56) stretches non-fictional experiences into imaginative, observational hilarity, selling millions of books while traveling the globe on epic book tours and readings. Sedaris was raised in North Carolina by a Greek-Orthodox father and Protestant mother. One of his five siblings is humorist/comedian Amy Sedaris