Hilarious Headlines from The Onion

TheOnion.com
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“Fat Kid Took Two”

 

“The Internet Went Down For Three Hours This Morning, Plunging The Nation Into Productivity”

 

"Ted Cruz’s Wife Shudders After Noticing 
Twin Beds Pushed Together"

 

“Man Doesn’t Need To Have Fun To Drink”

 

“Breakup Rescheduled To End Of Lease”

 

Video: "New Wearable Feedbags
Let Americans Eat More, Move Less


 

“Office Smelled Like Fire For 3 Hopeful Seconds”

 

“Novel Dedicated To Parents 
As If That Could Begin To Make Amends” 

 

“Congress Takes Group of Schoolchildren Hostage”

 

Video: "New Facebook Feature Scans Profile
To Pinpoint Exactly When Things Went Wrong"


“Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex”

 

“Wife Lovingly Preparing Meal With Knife
That Will One Day Be State’s Exhibit A”

 

“Shirtless Biden Washes Trans Am In White House Driveway”

TheOnion.com

TheOnion.com

“Study Finds Every Style of Parenting
Produces Disturbed, Miserable Adults”