Is Flying Fun Yet?

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• "We'll be boarding in about five airline minutes." —comedian David Steinberg (thx Leah Garchik)

• "If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.” —Southwest flight attendant

• Watch mesmerizing world air traffic animation (Zurich School of Applied Sciences / Airboyd): 

• Learn (someone's) airline lingo (Reader's Digest):

> Blue juice: Water in the toilet 
Crotch watch: Seat belt check
> Crumb crunchers: Kids 
Deadheading: Airline employee flying as a passenger on company business
> Gate lice: People clustering at gate right before boarding 
> George: Autopilot
Landing lips: Applying lipstick before landing
> Pax: Passengers
> Spinners: Late-boarding passengers without seat assignments who spin around looking for seats
> Two-for-once special: Bumping once on first contact, then landing smoothly
> Working the village: Attendants working in coach

• Watch and listen to this U.S. air traffic animation (NASA/Airboyd):

• Factoids (Tristan Rayner, techly.com):

> “If the oxygen masks drop down, you only have about 15 minutes of oxygen from the point of pulling them down ... more than enough time for the pilot to take us to a lower altitude where you can breathe normally.” —@jezalenko

> "Planes get hit by lightning (almost once a year) ... The last crash attributed to lightning was in 1967." —Lightning Technologies

> “Pilots don’t get the same meal and can’t share in case one makes them sick (from food poisoning).” –@Wrestlingisgood

> “When a plane is landing at night, they dim the interior lights in case you need to evacuate upon landing … your eyes are already adjusted to the darkness so you’ll be able to see better once outside the plane.” —@bonestamp

> “The air you breathe on an airplane is ... clean air from the atmosphere (taken in through the engines) compressed to a normal atmospheric pressure, and fed through a complicated heating/cooling system. That’s why planes have very dry air – there’s no moisture in the air at nine kilometres above sea level, but modern planes try to add moisture via humidifiers ... The air leaves the airplane via a small hole in the back of the fuselage.” –@virgadays

• "Today’s planes are ... pressurized so you only feel like you’re about 6,000 to 8,000 feet above sea level ... numb your taste buds, making food taste blander ... Salty and sweet tastes are significantly impaired in the air. Bitter and umami (savory) tastes survive better." —Julie Beck, “Why Airline Food is So Bad,” Atlantic

• "If black boxes survive air crashes, why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?" —George Carlin

• Breaking News: "United flight diverted after passengers fight over legroom"

"A woman and a man — both seated in the “Economy Plus” section of the aircraft, which already comes with extra legroom — were at each other’s throats because the man attached a “knee defender” device to his seat, preventing the woman in front from reclining." —Abby Phillip, Washington Post 

"A woman and a man — both seated in the “Economy Plus” section of the aircraft, which already comes with extra legroom — were at each other’s throats because the man attached a “knee defender” device to his seat, preventing the woman in front from reclining." —Abby Phillip, Washington Post 

• Final factoids (Reader's Digest):

> If you’re a nervous flier, book a morning flight. The heating of the ground later causes bumpier air, and it’s much more likely to thunderstorm in the afternoon. —Jerry Johnson, pilot

> The smoothest place to sit is often over or near the wing. The bumpiest place is in the back.

> You'll never hear, "One of our engines just failed. What they’ll say instead: 'One of our engines is indicating improperly.' "

> For most people who get sick after air traveling, it's not because of what they breathe but because of what they touch.

• Laugh with comedian Brian Regan: