Louis C.K. Goes Native

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• Veteran comedy writer, stand-up, actor, producer Louis C.K. was born in Washington DC on September 12,1967 to an Irish-Catholic-American mother and Jewish Hungarian-Mexican father.

• He lived in Mexico until he was seven, then moved to Boston with his family and learned English. 

 • His father is an economics graduate from Harvard, his mother was a Phi Beta Kappa, his grandfather a surgeon, and his uncle served as Mexico's Deputy Minister of Environment. (bio info: Wikipedia)

• Below: Hilarious bit about Americans' checkered past and a chat with God.

• Below: Fascinating 90-second time-lapse of American seizure of indigenous land, 1776-1887, when the U.S. seized over 1.5 billion acres, an eighth of the world, from America’s indigenous people by treaty and executive order. A classic unfriendly takeover. 

• “The fact that his mother had only ’bad’ TV shows to view upon returning home from work inspired him to work on television. ‘I remember thinking in fifth grade, I have to get inside that box and make this shit better. Because she deserves this. It made me mad that the shows were so bad.’"

 

Love Can Be Fleeting

• Comedian  Richard Lewis  (b. 1947) with improbable partners

• Comedian Richard Lewis (b. 1947) with improbable partners

• "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t." — unknown

• "Arguments about money are by far the top predictor of divorce. It's not children, sex, in-laws or anything else. It's money    for both men and women." — Sonya Britt, Kansas State University study

"The median length for a marriage in the US today is 11 years." — wikipedia

• 41% to 50% of first marriages, 60% to 67% of second marriages and 73% to 74% of third marriages end in divorce — divorcepad.com (citing two studies)

• Above: Divorce cakes

• Above: Divorce cakes

• A 2012 University of Michigan study “found that when a husband reported having a close relationship with his wife's parents, the couple's risk of divorce decreased by 20 percent. On the other hand, when a wife reported having a close relationship with her husband's parents, the couple's risk of divorce increased by 20 percent.” — huffpost.com

• Watch theOnion.com's hysterically life-like video above

Freedom: What's It Mean To You?

• Which of the quotes above appeal to you?

• Which of the quotes above appeal to you?

• Original edits

• Original edits

• "The contradiction between the claim that 'all men are created equal' and the existence of American slavery attracted comment when the Declaration was first published. Although Jefferson had included a paragraph in his initial draft that strongly indicted Britain's role in the slave trade, this was deleted from the final version. Jefferson himself was a prominent Virginia slave holder having owned hundreds of slaves."

• "From the outset, Americans celebrated independence on July 4, the date shown on the much-publicized Declaration of Independence, rather than on July 2, the date the resolution of independence was approved in a closed session of Congress."

• "Historians have long disputed whether Congress actually signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, even though Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, and Benjamin Franklin and all later wrote that they had signed it on that day. Most historians have concluded that the Declaration was signed nearly a month after its adoption, on August 2, 1776, and not on July 4 as is commonly believed."

• "In a remarkable coincidence, both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, the only signers of the Declaration of Independence later to serve as President of the United States, died on the same day: July 4, 1826, which was the 50th anniversary of the Declaration. Although not a signer of the Declaration of Independence, but another Founding Father who became a President, James Monroe, died on July 4, 1831, thus becoming the third President in a row who died on this memorable day." (quotes above: wikipedia)

• Above: A must-see for fireworks fans: New Year’s Eve 2013. Watch the city of Dubai break the Guiness world record for largest fireworks display, with 479,651 shells fired in just six minutes at a rate of almost 80,000 shells per minute and 1,332 fireworks per second.

Amy Poehler in 43 Flavors

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Amy Poehler:

"I hate Halloween. I hate dressing up. I hate - I wear wigs, makeup, costumes every day. Halloween is like, my least favorite holiday."

"I was the daughter of teachers, so school was always very important. I liked it."

"Take your risks now, as you grow older you become more fearful and less flexible." 

• Above: Very funny "Bronx Beat" sketch from Saturday Night Live with Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph and guest Jake Gyllenhaal.

 “She’s sort of this cute, small girl who also is tougher than anyone you’re going to run into.” — Seth Meyers 

Louis C.K. Doesn't Raise Kids

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• “We make shit up to be upset about. Like,
‘How come I have to choose a language on the ATM machine?  
It’s bullshit. I shouldn’t have to do that, I’m American.’”  

• "Boys just do damage to your house.
Girls, like, leave scars in your psyche."

• "Here’s how my brain works:
It’s stupidity,
followed by self-hatred,
and then further analysis."  

• "How many advantages can one person have?
I’m a white man!" 

• "C.K. described himself as a depressive kid. 'In junior high he took to drugs, closing myself off from feelings,' he says. 'Eighth and ninth grade were two solid years of dropping acid, snorting coke when somebody had it, quaaludes, an alarming amount of pot, mescaline, drinking. By the time I got to high school, I was a recovered drug addict.' (C.K. ran for a time with a bad crowd, breaking into cars and snatching valuables within.)"

• "After graduating from Newton North High School, C.K. worked as an auto mechanic and at a public access TV cable station in Boston, while 'summoning the courage to try stand-up.' Among other jobs he worked, C.K. cleaned pools, fixed cars and spent a year as a Kentucky Fried Chicken cook; he brought home KFC turkey dinners two Thanksgivings in a row. After that, he clerked at a video store."

• "C.K. and artist/painter Alix Bailey married in 1995 and divorced in 2008. Together, they had two daughters, with both C.K. and Bailey having joint custody." (bio: wikipedia)

Long Live Steven Wright

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More from Steven Wright:

• "Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have."  

• "The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard."

• "What's another word for Thesaurus?"

• "I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

• "The world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is."

• Watch dozens of funny lines above from "Stephen Wright – Complete Works."

Woody Allen at a Crossroads

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• A self-described "militant Freudian atheist,” Woody Allen (born 1935 as Allan Stewart Konigsberg) has written and directed over 40 films and won four Academy Awards (3 for original screenplay, 1 for directing).

• Allen joked “that when he was young he was often sent to inter-faith summer camps, where he "was savagely beaten by children of all races and creeds."

• At 17 he ghost-wrote gags for newspaper columnists, calling himself Woody Allen and earning more than his parents’ salaries combined.

• Watch the famous scene above from Bananas (1971), with Fielding Mellish (Allen) on trial after inadvertently becoming the president of a banana republic. 

• Allen’s Annie Hall (1977) brought him the Oscar for Best Director and contains a long string of hilarious scenes, many with Diane Keaton.

Procrastinate Now!

fizzdom.com comedian judy tenuta procrastination 

• “Procrastinate now, don't put it off.” ― Ellen DeGeneres

• “If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.” 
Rita Mae Brown

• “Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.” ― Steven Wright

• “Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.” — unknown

• See why over 3 million YouTubers have watched humorist Lev Yilmaz "get his stuff done."

• Watch this visually-imaginative animation by John Kelly.

Driving with George Carlin

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George Carlin was a true genius of satire: a bleeding-edge, progressive-yet-starkly-independent comedian known for obtuse observations, scathing criticisms, and wry linguistics.

• Awarded the 2008 Mark Twain Prize for American Humor (top award in U.S.), but died at a still-raging 71 just prior to formal acceptance.

• Hosted the premiere of Saturday Night Live in 1975

• Uttered "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" to defy and overcome early '70s live-performance and broadcast censorship. Spoiler alert: (list derived from Lenny Bruce's earlier list): shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. (wikipedia)

• Heard Carlin's in-your-face Econ 101 lecture? (Not for the squeamish or 1%.) Here goes: