Political Warning Signs

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Mid-term prognostications courtesy of Andy Borowitz/The Borowitz Report/New Yorker 10.29.14:

• With just one week to go until the midterm elections, a new poll indicates that billionaires are likely to retain control of the United States government.

• Davis Logsdon, who supervised the poll for the University of Minnesota, said that next Tuesday should be “a big night for oligarchs” and that both houses of Congress can be expected to grovel at the feet of their money-gushing paymasters for at least the next two years.

• Calling the billionaires’ upcoming electoral romp “historic,” Logsdon said, “We have not seen the super-rich maintain such a vise-like grip on the government since the days immediately preceding the French Revolution.”


Mid-term prognostications courtesy of www.vox.com 10.26.14

"What will the GOP Senate do?

  • According to forecasts, the Republicans have about a 68 percent chance of retaking the Senate.
    [Vox / Andrew Prokop]
  • The case that it'll amount to absolutely nothing: "The political roadblocks that have made legislating all but impossible during Obama’s second term aren’t going away. The 114th Congress will probably look a lot like the 113th."
    [New Republic / Danny Vinik]
  • The case that it'll amount to something: "There's one big thing that changes the moment Republicans win Senate: nominations."
    [Vox / Ezra Klein]
  • The House's #2 Republican, Kevin McCarthy, wants to start before the GOP Senate's even in office: "He would like to use the lame-duck session to pass a long-term government-funding bill, so Washington can begin focusing on big-picture legislating, instead of just trying to keep government’s doors open."
    [Politico / Jake Sherman]
  • But Ramesh Ponnuru thinks that's nuts: "McCarthy will be asking Republicans to give up some of their control over the budget in that period by working with a Democratic Senate that's on its way out. Does that sound like something that conservatives in Congress will meekly accept?"
    [Bloomberg / Ramesh Ponnuru]
  • Jon Chait is doubtful: "As the Senate majority leader in 2005, McConnell himself threatened to eliminate the judicial filibuster when Democrats started blocking George W. Bush’s federal court picks."
    [NY Mag / Jonathan Chait]

  •  Meanwhile, anonymous Democrats are worried the GOP will lock up the House for the rest of the decade: "if the Republicans pick up 10 seats or more, then we will have no chance of getting the House back in 2016, and that means we are done until 2020."[Financial Times / Richard McGregor]"

(Thx Jim Palam for "Enough Already" no-bull signage)

Hilarious Headlines from The Onion

TheOnion.com
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“Fat Kid Took Two”

 

“The Internet Went Down For Three Hours This Morning, Plunging The Nation Into Productivity”

 

"Ted Cruz’s Wife Shudders After Noticing 
Twin Beds Pushed Together"

 

“Man Doesn’t Need To Have Fun To Drink”

 

“Breakup Rescheduled To End Of Lease”

 

Video: "New Wearable Feedbags
Let Americans Eat More, Move Less


 

“Office Smelled Like Fire For 3 Hopeful Seconds”

 

“Novel Dedicated To Parents 
As If That Could Begin To Make Amends” 

 

“Congress Takes Group of Schoolchildren Hostage”

 

Video: "New Facebook Feature Scans Profile
To Pinpoint Exactly When Things Went Wrong"


“Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex”

 

“Wife Lovingly Preparing Meal With Knife
That Will One Day Be State’s Exhibit A”

 

“Shirtless Biden Washes Trans Am In White House Driveway”

TheOnion.com

TheOnion.com

“Study Finds Every Style of Parenting
Produces Disturbed, Miserable Adults”

Eric Cantor's Shocking Shellacking

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• Watch Rep. Eric Cantor's flip-flop on immigration reform above: One version for Washington and another for his home district. (See flyer on this page below.)

• The irony of Cantor's support for the Tea Party calling them mainstream in the video above.

Cantor-Mailer-Front.jpg

Cantor remains the only non-Christian member of the otherwise all-white, all-Christian, GOP House caucus. 

• Above is an insane Eric Cantor campaign ad in late April attempting to define far-righty David Brat as a liberal.

• Humorist Andy Borowitz's quote in the animation at the top is from his imagined concession speech by Eric Cantor. Read his very funny feature at http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2014/06/virginians-choose-even-bigger-tool.html

 

Too Funny to be President

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• “Lord, give us the wisdom to utter words that are gentle and tender, for tomorrow we may have to eat them.”—Mo Udall

• Watch Jon Stewart's funny litany above of the Republican caucus' humorless hypocrisy. 

grimes cartoon 1539 mind narrows capitol politics 

• Called “too funny to be president” by a leading commentator, Udall compiled jokes in a book by the same name, saying, “After due deliberation and two stiff drinks, I decided to go ahead and write this book because I'm convinced that humor is as necessary to the health of our political discourse as it is in our private lives.”

• Rep. Morris “Mo” Udall (1922 – 1998) (D-AZ) served in Congress from 1961 to 1991. A former professional basketball player known for his wit and progressive causes (environment, campaign finance reform, Native Americans, National Parks, etc.) Mo replaced his brother Stewart in Congress. His son Mark Udall is currently a representative from Colorado, nephew Tom is a Senator from New Mexico, and second cousin Gordon Smith served as Senator from Oregon. 

• "The more we exploit nature, the more our options are reduced, until we have only one: to fight for survival." — Mo Udall

• "WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - A broad-based coalition of millionaires converged on Washington today to defeat a bill that would have increased the minimum wage for American workers to $10.10 an hour. Leaving behind their mansions and yachts, the millionaires were motivated by what they saw as an existential threat to the country, Mitch McConnell, a spokesman for the millionaires, said." (Andy Borowitz - newyorker.com 4.29.14)

fizzdom collage 

fizzdom collage 

• Collage above: Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) is congratulated by R. McDonald, Director of Families for Lower Wages, after sealing demise of a higher minimum wage.

• Having lost a bruising battle to Jimmy Carter for the 1976 Democratic presidential nomination, Udall resisted entering the 1984 race: "If nominated, I shall run to Mexico. If elected, I shall fight extradition."