Churchill's Scathing Sense of Humor

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Quotes by Sir Winston “Winnie” Leonard Spencer-Churchill (11.30.1874 - 1.24.1965)
Prime Minister of the United Kingdom 1940-45, 1951-55

source: notable-quotes.com

source: notable-quotes.com

"He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened." (re: Conservative Prime Minister, Stanley Baldwin)

“You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.”

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”

“Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.”

"He has, more than any other man, the gift of compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thought." (re: Labour Prime Minister Ramsay MacDonald)

“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”

"If you wanted nothing done, Arthur Balfour was the best man for the task. There was no equal to him." (re: Conservative Prime Minister Arthur Balfour)

With wife, Clementine

With wife, Clementine

“My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.”

"In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable." (re: Field Marshall Viscount Montgomery)

Winston and wife Clementine (left), Lawrence of Arabia (3rd from left)

Winston and wife Clementine (left), Lawrence of Arabia (3rd from left)

"An empty taxi arrived at 10 Downing Street and when the door was opened Attlee got out." (re: Labour Prime Minister Clement Attlee)

“A joke is a very serious thing.”

Blacks Talking Funny Like Whites

Above: Samples from hilarious  Buzzfeed video below

Above: Samples from hilarious Buzzfeed video below

• A different language is a different vision of life. —Federico Fellini

Above:  2010 Census : Blacks as Percent of Population

Above: 2010 Census: Blacks as Percent of Population

• “Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?” ―Chris Rock

1860   C  ensus of Slaves . source: retronaut.com    Slaves outnumbered "frees" in some states and comprised a third of the South's population.

1860 Census of Slaves. source: retronaut.com   
Slaves outnumbered "frees" in some states and comprised a third of the South's population.

• “Race is there. You're tired of hearing about it? Imagine how fucking exhausting it is living it.”
― Jon Stewart

Above: Growth of Hispanics (purple) outpaces  Blacks (red)  and all others.  Whites (blues) decline .

Above: Growth of Hispanics (purple) outpaces Blacks (red) and all others. Whites (blues) decline.

• “Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.” ―Tiger Woods

• “A lot of shelter dogs are mutts like me.” ―Barack Obama

Above: Increased  polarization  over three decades

Above: Increased polarization over three decades

• "Words are my language." —Patty Warren

Amy Poehler in 43 Flavors

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Amy Poehler:

"I hate Halloween. I hate dressing up. I hate - I wear wigs, makeup, costumes every day. Halloween is like, my least favorite holiday."

"I was the daughter of teachers, so school was always very important. I liked it."

"Take your risks now, as you grow older you become more fearful and less flexible." 

• Above: Very funny "Bronx Beat" sketch from Saturday Night Live with Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph and guest Jake Gyllenhaal.

 “She’s sort of this cute, small girl who also is tougher than anyone you’re going to run into.” — Seth Meyers 

David Sedaris Calls It a Day

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More by David Sedaris:

• “Like all of my friends she’s a lousy judge of character.”

• “We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well-made cocktail.”

• “I was a smart-ass, born and raised. This had been my curse and would continue to be so.”

Sedaris fans: Watch his "What's funny about America" presentation above at the Melbourne Writers' Conference. The last third is the funniest (with swearing). 

• A joke Sedaris heard on his book tour:

A man has just gotten into bed when he hears a knock at the door.
He gets up, answers the door and looks down to see a snail, who says,
"Excuse me, sir, can I interest you in some magazine subscriptions?"
In disbelief and anger the man kicks the snail out into his yard and goes back to sleep.
Two years later there’s another knock at the door.
The man answers and there’s the snail again, who looks up and says,
“What was THAT about?”

Humorist, author David Sedaris (b. 12.26.56) stretches non-fictional experiences into imaginative, observational hilarity, selling millions of books while traveling the globe on epic book tours and readings. Sedaris was raised in North Carolina by a Greek-Orthodox father and Protestant mother. One of his five siblings is humorist/comedian Amy Sedaris

Woody Allen at a Crossroads

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• A self-described "militant Freudian atheist,” Woody Allen (born 1935 as Allan Stewart Konigsberg) has written and directed over 40 films and won four Academy Awards (3 for original screenplay, 1 for directing).

• Allen joked “that when he was young he was often sent to inter-faith summer camps, where he "was savagely beaten by children of all races and creeds."

• At 17 he ghost-wrote gags for newspaper columnists, calling himself Woody Allen and earning more than his parents’ salaries combined.

• Watch the famous scene above from Bananas (1971), with Fielding Mellish (Allen) on trial after inadvertently becoming the president of a banana republic. 

• Allen’s Annie Hall (1977) brought him the Oscar for Best Director and contains a long string of hilarious scenes, many with Diane Keaton.

Magical Mom

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• Isn’t a little family dysfunction good practice for our crazytown world?

• Doesn’t it facilitate humor as a coping mechanism, or as just plain fun in the midst of madness?

• This Fizzdom was inspired by John's late mother, Barbara, who had just enough (okay, sometimes more) dysfunction and chaos. Six kids can do that to a mom.

• Quote was seen on an ecard by someecards.com. Check 'em out.