C.S.I. Thanksgiving

 www.grimescartoons.com

www.grimescartoons.com

• “If you are really thankful, what do you do? You share.” —W. Clement Stone

• “My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.” —Phyllis Diller

 www.grimescartoons.com   

www.grimescartoons.com

 

• “When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” —Willie Nelson

• “We seldom think of what we have but always of what we lack." —Arthur Schopenhauer

• “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” —William Arthur Ward

 www.grimescartoons.com

www.grimescartoons.com

• “I say we all take the pledge and stay home. Thanksgiving is a day to give thanks for what you have, not to save a few dollars to get more.” —Regina Brett

• “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” —Jon Stewart

• Below: Time-lapse of American seizure of indigenous land, 1776-1887. Betweeen 1776 and 1887, the U.S. seized over 1.5 billion acres, an eighth of the world, from America’s indigenous people by treaty and executive order.  Video concludes with a map of current Indian reservations. (Previously featured in Fizzdom, July 4, 2014.)

 Bruce McCall

Bruce McCall

Why Be Normal?

 • Richard, to his imaginatively-dysfunctional family: "Oh my God. I'm getting pulled over. Everyone, just ...   pretend to be normal. "

• Richard, to his imaginatively-dysfunctional family:
"Oh my God. I'm getting pulled over. Everyone, just ... 
pretend to be normal."

• “Normal is in the eye of the beholder.” —Whoopi Goldberg

• “Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” —Albert Camus

• “Maybe your weird is my normal. Who's to say?” —Nicki Minaj

• “I don’t think anyone has a normal family.” —Edward Furlong

• “The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.” —Alfred Adler

• “How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being?” —Oscar Wilde

• “I feel 80% of my life is completely normal.” —J. K. Rowling

• “Every normal person, in fact, is only normal on the average. His ego approximates to that of the psychotic in some part or other and to a greater or lesser extent.” —Sigmund Freud
    
• “Sometimes I think, 'Why couldn't I have been normal?’” —Demi Lovato

• “You use your money to buy privacy because during most of your life you aren't allowed to be normal.” —Johnny Depp
    
• “Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.” —H. L. Mencken

• “I’m just another douche-bag with a job and three pairs of Dockers.” —Saul Goodman, Walter White’s lawyer in “Breaking Bad”

• “Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for – in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.” —Ellen Goodman

Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from.” —Jodie Foster

• “What is normal? That's just a story that we tell ourselves.” —Matthew Quick

 • Actual quote from “Mother’s Night”: "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."

• Actual quote from “Mother’s Night”: "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."

• Below: Trailer for "Little Miss Sunshine" 
2:29; Writer: Michael Arndt; Co-Directors: Jonathan Dayton, Valerie Faris

• Fans of "Little Miss Sunshine" may be interested this study of the film's characters and dysfunctional roles by a Swedish film student (gets interesting at page 17+): http://www.academia.edu/1934223/_Everyone_Just_Pretend_to_be_Normal_A_Sociological_Analysis_of_Little_Miss_Sunshine

Mae West Plays Snow White

More Mae West:

• “I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.”

• “Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.”

• Below: Rapid-fire video of memorable lines:

• “When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.”

• “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

• “Why don’t you come up and see me sometime … when I’ve got nothin’ on but the radio.”

• “So many men … so little time.”

 Above:  West  reportedly wrote the screenplay for this 1940 western spoof, the top box-office hit in 1940 after "Gone With The Wind" — but refused to work again with  Fields  after Universal gave Fields a co-writer's credit for his authorship of one small scene.

Above: West reportedly wrote the screenplay for this 1940 western spoof, the top box-office hit in 1940 after "Gone With The Wind" — but refused to work again with Fields after Universal gave Fields a co-writer's credit for his authorship of one small scene.

• “I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.”

• "It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.”

• “A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.”

• “Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.

• “I’ve been in more laps than a napkin.”

• “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”

 Above: Released in 1933 as  West  and  Grant  were emerging stars, the film was produced for $200k and grossed $2m, garnering an Academy Award nomination for Best Production (now Best Picture) — at 66 minutes, the shortest film ever nominated in that category.

Above: Released in 1933 as West and Grant were emerging stars, the film was produced for $200k and grossed $2m, garnering an Academy Award nomination for Best Production (now Best Picture) — at 66 minutes, the shortest film ever nominated in that category.

Bios:

• Born Mary Jane West in Brooklyn, NY on August 17, 1893, child-performer “Baby May” became adult vaudeville star Mae West.

• West’s first starring role on Broadway came in 1926 in "Sex," which she wrote, produced and directed. The play was panned for explicit sexual content and West was convicted of morality violations, serving eight days in jail (reportedly dining with the warden and his wife a few times). Quite a boost for her career. 

• Later, West wrote plays dealing with homosexuality ("Drag," which she dared not perform in NY) and other “adult subject matter,” including trysts and sexual innuendo. 

• By 1932, then in her late 30s, West finally broke into Hollywood, appearing with George Raft in "Night after Night." Then came her starring role in "She Done Him Wrong" with Cary Grant and her famous line, “Why don’t you come up sometime and see me?”

• “In 1936, Mae West starred in the film "Klondike Annie," which concerned itself with religion and hypocrisy. William Randolph Hearst disagreed so vehemently with the film's context, and West's portrayal of a Salvation Army worker, that he personally forbade any stories or advertisements of the film to be published in any of his publications. However, the film did well at the box office and is considered the high-point of West's film career.” 

• Mae West died on November 22, 1980 at the age of 87.

W. C. Fields (1880-1946) was "an American comedian, actor, juggler and writer. Fields' comic persona was a misanthropic and hard-drinking egotist, who remained a sympathetic character despite his snarling contempt for dogs, children, and women." 

Cary Grant (1904-1986) born Archibald Leach in England, performed on British and American stages as a vaudeville stilt walker, acrobat, juggler and mime. Processed through Ellis Island in 1920, his "phenomenal physical grace and exquisite comic timing," debonair demeanor and good looks made Grant a classic Hollywood leading man.

(sources: biography.com, wikipedia, brainyquotes.com, allaboutmae.com)

Prepping for Parenthood #1

• “Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.” —Michelle Pfeiffer

• "You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." —Franklin P. Jones

grimes cartoon 2926-come up.jpg

• "I think Lincoln had a unique parenting style. He let his kids run free and wild." —Steven Spielberg

• "One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a child should be fun." —Jane Goodall

• Below: Wonderfully wry HBO ad touting on-the-go viewing to avoid embarrassing moments with parents (1 of 3):

• "Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up." —Ray Romano

• "Education, like neurosis, begins at home." —Milton Sapirstein

• "Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own." —Doug Larson

• “If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, ‘keep away from children.' " —Susan Savannah

• "There really are places in the heart you don't even know exist until you love a child." —Anne Lamott

graphic-first 40 years hardest.jpg

• Our booming Boomerang Generation: "The U.S. Census Bureau reported a 5 percent point increase in the number of young men (ages 24–34) living with their parents for the period between 2005 (14%) and 2011 (19%). For the same period, the number of young women living with their parents increased from 8% in 2005 to 10% in 2011." (wikipedia)

• About the animated quote at very top (about a woman anticipating a possible divorce): A Broadway-dancer-turned comedian, Rita Rudner is a pioneering, "old-school" (non-blue) comic now working almost exclusively in Las Vegas. An accomplished author and screenwriter, her books include "I Still Have It; I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It," "Naked Beneath My Clothes" and the novels "Tickled Pink" and "Turning The Tables."

 

 

Hilarious Headlines from The Onion

 TheOnion.com
theonion logo.png

“Fat Kid Took Two”

 

“The Internet Went Down For Three Hours This Morning, Plunging The Nation Into Productivity”

 

"Ted Cruz’s Wife Shudders After Noticing 
Twin Beds Pushed Together"

 

“Man Doesn’t Need To Have Fun To Drink”

 

“Breakup Rescheduled To End Of Lease”

 

Video: "New Wearable Feedbags
Let Americans Eat More, Move Less


 

“Office Smelled Like Fire For 3 Hopeful Seconds”

 

“Novel Dedicated To Parents 
As If That Could Begin To Make Amends” 

 

“Congress Takes Group of Schoolchildren Hostage”

 

Video: "New Facebook Feature Scans Profile
To Pinpoint Exactly When Things Went Wrong"


“Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex”

 

“Wife Lovingly Preparing Meal With Knife
That Will One Day Be State’s Exhibit A”

 

“Shirtless Biden Washes Trans Am In White House Driveway”

 TheOnion.com

TheOnion.com

“Study Finds Every Style of Parenting
Produces Disturbed, Miserable Adults”

"Best" Summer Movies of All Time

 2013 list

“Best Summer Movies of All Time” selected by RottenTomatoes.com 2013:

“In defense of the blockbuster, Rotten Tomatoes offers you Best Summer Movies, a countdown of the highest-rated wide releases since ... 1975 ... using a weighted formula that takes the Tomatometer, the number of reviews, and the year of release into account ... released wide ... between May and August.”

• “Oscar-worthy films appear at the box-office between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day followed by a lull on either side of summer’s blockbusters. Quality TV airs across the calendar year.” — Prof. Victoria Johnson, UC Irvine

Below: Click full-screen view and watch the magnificence of adult filmmaking (pre-CG) with a dazzling array of actors.

• “Television has taken possession of grown-ups and fans of things like narrative and character."

• "Hollywood studios construct their core businesses — cartoons, superhero films, young-adult franchises and sequels — for a less demanding clientele that doesn’t mind leaving the house even if the joy of the moviegoing experience is now marred by all the lapses of comfort and etiquette that keep many adults at home …”

• "Today, it’s the over-30 audience that’s written off as not worth the effort. Reaching them probably means rethinking distribution, even if that means surrendering the idea of movies as a primarily theatrical experience ... (and) treating the production of nonfranchise films as a viable business rather than as a favor or an act of atonement.” — Mark Harris, NY Times (3 quotes above)

 gratuitous gif by fizzdom.com

gratuitous gif by fizzdom.com

• “Disney's 'Frozen' recently became the highest grossing animated feature of all time. The sci-fi thriller 'Gravity,' starring Sandra Bullock (above), has raked in over $700 million, and 'Hunger Games: Catching Fire' has banked about $864 million in box office sales. These movies all starred women, and yet the opportunities for women in film both in front of and behind the camera remains an uphill battle. According to a 2013 report, women made up 52 percent of the moviegoing population, yet only about 15 percent of current movies feature female protagonists.” — ReBecca Theodore-Vachon, film/tv critic

• Below: Enjoy a taste of 'Sharknado,' the "superstorm that sucked toothy killers out of the Pacific and hurled them at Los Angeles and landed in the waters of social media like a bucket of delicious chum ... (its title) a portmanteau of American excess to match the cronut and the turducken." — James Poniewozik, Time 

• “All the sincerity in Hollywood you could stuff in a flea's navel and still have room left to conceal eight caraway seeds and an agent's heart.” ― humorist Fred Allen

Driving Around Like Crazy

 fizzdom.com jack handy driving around like crazy toonces thelma and louise movie

• “I drive a motorbike, so there is the whiff of the grim reaper round every corner." ― Benedict Cumberbatch

• "Google is working on self-driving cars, and they seem to work. People are so bad at driving cars that computers don't have to be that good to be much better." — Marc Andreessen

Distracted driving, not speeding or alcohol, is the cause of most accidents. — National Highway Traffic Safety Administration

• “Nearly 80 percent of all crashes involved driver inattention just prior to (within 3 seconds) of the crash.”     NHTSA

 McKinsey study, allthingsd.com

McKinsey study, allthingsd.com

• "When I'm driving the highway by myself is when I write best." — Willie Nelson

• “Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.” ― Dan Rather

• "You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive." — Author Unknown

• "Road rage is the expression of the amateur sociopath in all of us, cured by running into a professional." — Robert Brault

 More tips for an early demise from TheOnion.com

More tips for an early demise from TheOnion.com

 Spotted in New York state

Spotted in New York state

• "My trick to not text and drive is to let me friends know I'm driving by posting #X before I start the car." — Christine@christineicwtweets

• "It's true that I've driven through a number of red lights. But on the other hand, I've stopped at a lot of green ones I've never gotten credit for." — Glenn Gould (thx david jouris)

 cheezburger.com gif posted at giphy.com

cheezburger.com gif posted at giphy.com

Matt Damon's Obama Bromance

 fizzdom.com john grimes president barack obama matt damon movie star celebrity constitution anticipoointment change 4th amendment hope bromance politics

Matt Damon: "(Obama) broke up with me. There are a lot of things that I really question, you know: the legality of the drone strikes, and these NSA revelations ... Jimmy Carter came out and said we don’t live in a democracy. That’s a little intense when an ex-president says that. So  (Obama's) got some explaining to do, particularly for a constitutional law professor."

•  Barack Obama"Matt Damon said he was disappointed in my performance. Well, Matt, I just saw The Adjustment Bureau, so right back atcha, buddy!”

Damon: "A one-term president with some balls who actually got stuff done would have been, in the long run of the country, much better."

• Above: Watch Matt Damon's Top 10 Roles (WatchMojo.com)

• Damon's 2013 film Elysium "has been panned by conservatives for arguing for a socialist utopia as an alternative to a future world of haves and have-nots. The Occupy Wall Street-inspired plot line involves a wealthy elite class that has abandoned an overcrowded Earth for a luxury space station, leaving the rest of humanity in crime-ridden and poverty-stricken squalor."

• Actor, producer, writer Matt Damon (b. 10.8.70) has been actively involved in charitable work, including the ONE Campaign, H2O Africa Foundation, and Water.org.

Damon was raised in Cambridge, MA near close friend Ben Affleck and neighbor/author/activist Howard Zinn. He dropped out of Harvard just short of a degree to pursue acting. 

• Damon is a supporter of the Democratic Party and hosted a fundraiser for Democratic Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren. He has been mentioned as a future political candidate

Amy Poehler in 43 Flavors

 fizzdom. com amy poehler's 31 flavors humor comedy

Amy Poehler:

"I hate Halloween. I hate dressing up. I hate - I wear wigs, makeup, costumes every day. Halloween is like, my least favorite holiday."

"I was the daughter of teachers, so school was always very important. I liked it."

"Take your risks now, as you grow older you become more fearful and less flexible." 

• Above: Very funny "Bronx Beat" sketch from Saturday Night Live with Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph and guest Jake Gyllenhaal.

 “She’s sort of this cute, small girl who also is tougher than anyone you’re going to run into.” — Seth Meyers 

Obama Gets Mad as Heck at VA

 fizzdom.com john grimes president barack obama gets mad as hell heck diane sawyer howard beale network veterans day eric shinsecki department of veterans affairs VA scandal 2014 waiting lists tightrope investigation sf chronicle

• Twenty-six VA hospitals are being investigated for "gaming strategies" that cover up extensive wait times for treatment, possibly resulting in premature deaths of veterans and unearned bonuses by administrators.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs (retired general) Eric Shinseki has directed the VA since 2009, "inheriting" hundreds of thousands of casualties from the Iraq and Afghanistan wars.

• "VA also has a long-standing problem with disability claims that have remained in the system for at least 125 days without a determination. The Obama administration has set a goal of eliminating that inventory by 2015. VA reported this year that it had reduced the amount by 44 percent since the number of claims reached a high of more than 600,000 in 2012." (Washington Post)

• For the first time in 70 years the American Legion has called for the VA leader's resignation, citing poor oversight. 

• The VA is "staffed largely by older veterans." (Time.com)

• President Obama has ordered an investigation before shaking things up.

• Watch Jon Stewart skewer the VA and Shinseki above — somewhat amusingly — for gaming the system and causing untold damage.

• "The longer the VA scandal stays in the public eye, the more we will hear arguments (from conservatives that) the VA should be broken up and its services privatized with federal regulations and subsidies replacing federal bureaucracies—creating a system much like the one contemplated by Obamacare." (Washington Monthly). 

 "To care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widen, and his orphan." — Abraham Lincoln

• "To care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow, and his orphan." — Abraham Lincoln

• Update 5.30.14: Shinseki resigns. Backstory @ http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/national/2014/05/30/how-the-va-developed-its-culture-of-coverups/