Prepping for Parenthood #1

• “Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.” —Michelle Pfeiffer

• "You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." —Franklin P. Jones

grimes cartoon 2926-come up.jpg

• "I think Lincoln had a unique parenting style. He let his kids run free and wild." —Steven Spielberg

• "One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a child should be fun." —Jane Goodall

• Below: Wonderfully wry HBO ad touting on-the-go viewing to avoid embarrassing moments with parents (1 of 3):

• "Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up." —Ray Romano

• "Education, like neurosis, begins at home." —Milton Sapirstein

• "Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own." —Doug Larson

• “If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, ‘keep away from children.' " —Susan Savannah

• "There really are places in the heart you don't even know exist until you love a child." —Anne Lamott

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• Our booming Boomerang Generation: "The U.S. Census Bureau reported a 5 percent point increase in the number of young men (ages 24–34) living with their parents for the period between 2005 (14%) and 2011 (19%). For the same period, the number of young women living with their parents increased from 8% in 2005 to 10% in 2011." (wikipedia)

• About the animated quote at very top (about a woman anticipating a possible divorce): A Broadway-dancer-turned comedian, Rita Rudner is a pioneering, "old-school" (non-blue) comic now working almost exclusively in Las Vegas. An accomplished author and screenwriter, her books include "I Still Have It; I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It," "Naked Beneath My Clothes" and the novels "Tickled Pink" and "Turning The Tables."

 

 

Hilarious Headlines from The Onion

TheOnion.com
theonion logo.png

“Fat Kid Took Two”

 

“The Internet Went Down For Three Hours This Morning, Plunging The Nation Into Productivity”

 

"Ted Cruz’s Wife Shudders After Noticing 
Twin Beds Pushed Together"

 

“Man Doesn’t Need To Have Fun To Drink”

 

“Breakup Rescheduled To End Of Lease”

 

Video: "New Wearable Feedbags
Let Americans Eat More, Move Less


 

“Office Smelled Like Fire For 3 Hopeful Seconds”

 

“Novel Dedicated To Parents 
As If That Could Begin To Make Amends” 

 

“Congress Takes Group of Schoolchildren Hostage”

 

Video: "New Facebook Feature Scans Profile
To Pinpoint Exactly When Things Went Wrong"


“Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex”

 

“Wife Lovingly Preparing Meal With Knife
That Will One Day Be State’s Exhibit A”

 

“Shirtless Biden Washes Trans Am In White House Driveway”

TheOnion.com

TheOnion.com

“Study Finds Every Style of Parenting
Produces Disturbed, Miserable Adults”

Latinos Talking Funny Like Whites

Above: Screen shots + text from Buzzfeed.com's video below

• Watch Buzzfeed's hysterical video below starring Sofia Marie Gonzales and Norberto Briceno:

2010 Hispanic or Latino percent of county population

2010 Hispanic or Latino percent of county population

53 million - Hispanics in U.S. in 2012, the nation's largest ethnic or racial minority at 17%.
128.8 million - Estimated U.S. Hispanics in 2050, reaching 31% of total.

Non-Hispanic white Americans are projected to be a minority by 2043, when the total population will exceed 400 million people.

Above: Graph from hollywoodgossip.com based on 2010 U.S. Census  projections 

Above: Graph from hollywoodgossip.com based on 2010 U.S. Census  projections 

• Below: 1783 map of original 13 colonies surrounded by Spanish and British territories

map: stratfor.com

map: stratfor.com

Satirical Genius of Pawel Kuczynski

Above  : Watch   11 illustrations   cycle through ©Pawel Kuczynski

Above: Watch 11 illustrations cycle through ©Pawel Kuczynski

Pawel Kuczynski was born on August 12, 1976 in Szczecin, Poland.

• Focusing on satirical illustration since 2004, Kuczynski's work sharply articulates social, political and economic injustice.

• He graduated from the Academy of Fine Arts in Poznan (Poland) with a specialization in graphics (drawing) and has received over 100 prizes and distinctions for his satirical art.

Pawel Kuczynski  animated by  fizzdom

Pawel Kuczynski animated by fizzdom

Animation of  Kuczynski  illustration:  Made by abvh  - http://madebyabvh.tumblr.com/

Animation of Kuczynski illustration: Made by abvh - http://madebyabvh.tumblr.com/

 • "Pawel Kuczynski captures the real in a satirical mode. His work forces us, in a most curious way, to stop and consider consequences of our actions and the credence we give to political decisions." — voiceseducation.org

pawel5-bottle and hook.jpg

More Pawel Kuczynski illustrations at:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pawel-Kuczynski/222849284410325
and
http://www.pawelkuczynski.com/index.php

• Affordable prints at:
http://www.pictorem.com/collectioncat.asp?author=Pawel+Kuczynski

Driving Around Like Crazy

fizzdom.com jack handy driving around like crazy toonces thelma and louise movie

• “I drive a motorbike, so there is the whiff of the grim reaper round every corner." ― Benedict Cumberbatch

• "Google is working on self-driving cars, and they seem to work. People are so bad at driving cars that computers don't have to be that good to be much better." — Marc Andreessen

Distracted driving, not speeding or alcohol, is the cause of most accidents. — National Highway Traffic Safety Administration

• “Nearly 80 percent of all crashes involved driver inattention just prior to (within 3 seconds) of the crash.”     NHTSA

McKinsey study, allthingsd.com

McKinsey study, allthingsd.com

• "When I'm driving the highway by myself is when I write best." — Willie Nelson

• “Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.” ― Dan Rather

• "You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive." — Author Unknown

• "Road rage is the expression of the amateur sociopath in all of us, cured by running into a professional." — Robert Brault

More tips for an early demise from TheOnion.com

More tips for an early demise from TheOnion.com

Spotted in New York state

Spotted in New York state

• "My trick to not text and drive is to let me friends know I'm driving by posting #X before I start the car." — Christine@christineicwtweets

• "It's true that I've driven through a number of red lights. But on the other hand, I've stopped at a lot of green ones I've never gotten credit for." — Glenn Gould (thx david jouris)

cheezburger.com gif posted at giphy.com

cheezburger.com gif posted at giphy.com

Inside Every Adult is a Kid . . .

graphics: Waldorf of the Muppets; Calvin from Bill Watterson's Calvin & Hobbes quote: rottenecards.com

 Above: Animated characters: Waldorf of the Muppets; Calvin from Bill Watterson's Calvin and Hobbes. Quote: rottenecards.com

• Tribute: Few cartoonists compare with the genius of Bill Watterson (b. 7.5.58) in his Calvin and Hobbes strip (1985-95), as exemplified by the two panels used in the animation above.

Former cartoonist  Bill Watterson

Former cartoonist Bill Watterson

• Bill Watterson: "Personally, I like paper and ink better than glowing pixels, but to each his own. Obviously the role of comics is changing very fast. On the one hand, I don’t think comics have ever been more widely accepted or taken as seriously as they are now. On the other hand, the mass media is disintegrating, and audiences are atomizing."

Full interview: http://mentalfloss.com/article/53216/mental-floss-exclusive-our-interview-bill-watterson

Similar to animated quote at top:

• “Inside every adult there's still a child that lingers.” — Guy Laliberte

 • “I think that inside every adult is the heart of a child.” — Shigeru Miyamoto

 • “Inside every adult is a magical child to discover.”  — Bruce Davis

• “For in every adult there dwells the child that was, and in every child there lies the adult that will be.” ― John Connolly

Above: Panel from  Matt Groening's  Life in Hell

Above: Panel from Matt Groening's Life in Hell


Louis C.K. Goes Native

Louis C.K. goes native fizzdom.com comedy funny native americans god advantages white man

• Veteran comedy writer, stand-up, actor, producer Louis C.K. was born in Washington DC on September 12,1967 to an Irish-Catholic-American mother and Jewish Hungarian-Mexican father.

• He lived in Mexico until he was seven, then moved to Boston with his family and learned English. 

 • His father is an economics graduate from Harvard, his mother was a Phi Beta Kappa, his grandfather a surgeon, and his uncle served as Mexico's Deputy Minister of Environment. (bio info: Wikipedia)

• Below: Hilarious bit about Americans' checkered past and a chat with God.

• Below: Fascinating 90-second time-lapse of American seizure of indigenous land, 1776-1887, when the U.S. seized over 1.5 billion acres, an eighth of the world, from America’s indigenous people by treaty and executive order. A classic unfriendly takeover. 

• “The fact that his mother had only ’bad’ TV shows to view upon returning home from work inspired him to work on television. ‘I remember thinking in fifth grade, I have to get inside that box and make this shit better. Because she deserves this. It made me mad that the shows were so bad.’"

 

Love Can Be Fleeting

• Comedian  Richard Lewis  (b. 1947) with improbable partners

• Comedian Richard Lewis (b. 1947) with improbable partners

• "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t." — unknown

• "Arguments about money are by far the top predictor of divorce. It's not children, sex, in-laws or anything else. It's money    for both men and women." — Sonya Britt, Kansas State University study

"The median length for a marriage in the US today is 11 years." — wikipedia

• 41% to 50% of first marriages, 60% to 67% of second marriages and 73% to 74% of third marriages end in divorce — divorcepad.com (citing two studies)

• Above: Divorce cakes

• Above: Divorce cakes

• A 2012 University of Michigan study “found that when a husband reported having a close relationship with his wife's parents, the couple's risk of divorce decreased by 20 percent. On the other hand, when a wife reported having a close relationship with her husband's parents, the couple's risk of divorce increased by 20 percent.” — huffpost.com

• Watch theOnion.com's hysterically life-like video above

John Oliver Mansplains Hobby Lobby

supreme court ruth bader ginsberg hobby lobby law contraception mansplain birth control choice women's rights corporations john oliver catholic religion      

Above: Dissent from Ruth Bader Ginsberg in video from Internet Archive's TV News Archive http://archive.org/tv

• Update (7.2.14): "Supreme Court Broadens Hobby Lobby Ruling to All Forms of Birth Control: Less than a day after the United States Supreme Court issued its divisive ruling on Burwell v. Hobby Lobby, it has already begun to toss aside the supposedly narrow interpretation of the decision. On Tuesday, the Supremes ordered lower courts to rehear any cases where companies had sought to deny coverage for any type of contraception, not just the specific types Hobby Lobby was opposed to." — Patrick Caldwell, motherjones.com

• "For the first time, the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that a for-profit corporation can refuse to comply with a general government mandate because doing so would violate the corporation's asserted religious beliefs. By a 5-4 vote, the court struck an important part of President Obama's health care law — the requirement that all insurance plans cover birth control — because it conflicted with a corporation owners' religious beliefs ... (of the) Hobby Lobby corporation, a chain of 500 arts and crafts stores that employs 16,000 people. Its owners object to two forms of birth control — IUDs and morning-after pills — because they consider those to be an early form of abortion." — npr.org

• "The Affordable Care Act already includes special arrangements for houses of worship and religious non-profits, like schools and hospitals. Houses of worship are completely exempted. Employees of religious non-profits receive their birth control coverage directly from their insurance company. The non-profit employer is not required to pay or be involved in any way. Today’s cases weren’t about those types of religious organizations. They were about privately owned, closely held, for-profit corporations. Today, the Court ruled that such corporations have religious rights under federal statute, just as individuals do. Corporations are not people. Corporations cannot have religious views. And this decision sends us in a dangerous direction." — Social justice attorney Sandra Fluke

• “The Court’s decisions in Burwell v. Hobby Lobby and Harris v. Quinn conform to an established pattern for the Roberts Court. It’s generally a two-step process: in confronting a politically charged issue, the court first decides a case in a “narrow” way, but then uses that decision as a precedent to move in a more dramatic, conservative direction in a subsequent case.” — Jeffrey Toobin, newyorker.com

• "There are six Roman Catholics currently serving on the court (Samuel Alito, Anthony Kennedy, John Roberts, Antonin Scalia, Sonia Sotomayor, and Clarence Thomas) and three Jews (Stephen Breyer, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and Elena Kagen)." — Chris Weigant, chrisweigant.com via huffpost

Amy Poehler in 43 Flavors

fizzdom. com amy poehler's 31 flavors humor comedy

Amy Poehler:

"I hate Halloween. I hate dressing up. I hate - I wear wigs, makeup, costumes every day. Halloween is like, my least favorite holiday."

"I was the daughter of teachers, so school was always very important. I liked it."

"Take your risks now, as you grow older you become more fearful and less flexible." 

• Above: Very funny "Bronx Beat" sketch from Saturday Night Live with Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph and guest Jake Gyllenhaal.

 “She’s sort of this cute, small girl who also is tougher than anyone you’re going to run into.” — Seth Meyers